Letter to Anders in Stockholm

Hi Anders...

I wish its winter here in Malaysia.. haha.. well maybe not.. spring weather would be nicer... . Currently, its hot and humid. It rains almost everyday.. but for short period of time.. not all day.. usually late afternoon.... so the nights are hot and humid. when its humid, we get sweaty more easily here.... but im used to it... been here all my life now.. just have to apply extra deoderant... haha

Its great to know that ur enjoying your summer holiday.... Madrid will be great im sure... Yes.. i have heard of Cordoba before.... nice city with palaces. I remembered the story of Queen Isabella during the holy war between Moslems and Christians hundreds of years ago.... :) beautiful city im sure... and Turkey.. i love the city.. never been there, but my best friend Edan used to study there... he told me lots of stories when he was there.... he still remember fondly of Turkey especially Instanbul..... he said that he loves the culture there.. and the food.... and the city is really beautiful.. he always persuade me to go there with him as he can speak a bit of Turkish and also he knows his way around there.. well.. maybe in near future.. who knows.. have to keep money to go there as its not as cheap as asian cities....

As for me, my life is somewhat sombre now.. well.. not too boring but nuthing much is happening now anyway..... yes, i've broke off with my 5 months boyfriend and finally im free and im happy.. he still calls me and sms me every now and then.. saying that im not friendly anymore.. sumtimes, we went on for a week without any sms.. and being cordial, i sms him coz just wanna say hi.. then he replied that i don't remember him anymore and im not friendly.. well.. im friendly enough to contact him aite!!.. i believe that i cant give what he wants and he still wants it... somehow he refused to admit that we are different now... he once told me that im not the same person anymore.. i told him that yes.. im not the same person.. this thing that happen, changed me.. i cant be the same person as he knew me then... maybe i've been somebody that im not with him.. he doesnt bring out the best in me.. unlike my friends.. im always happy being with them.... im different now.. and the fact that im turning 30 this end of June really bugs me.. haha.... enough said about him.. moving on....................

I'm currently dating guys.. not to many i suppose.. just enough... lots of young guys wanted to know me but i dun really go with younger guys.... no sex involved.. i cant recall when was the last time i had sex.. haha.. its been ages.. i think im re-virginised... hahahahha..... lucky who got me next time..teeheeee..... but my focus isnt that now... im busy with work.. and family...

Well... attended some family and friends weddings lately.. its school holiday here and people love to do wedding aorund this time... middle of year.. and end of year.. :) somehow i love going to weddings.. i love looking at a person in their happiest moments.. can really tell if that person is happy... and i love seeing and being a part of that..... despite having to dodge all the questions of "when is my wedding??" ...especially from nosy friends and relatives.. if the invites says that i can bring a partner, i always brought my best freind (a guy) with me... and all eyes will be looking at us wondering why this guy came with another guy.. love making them guessing... hahahaha

Recently, my best friend.. .... he bought me an early birthday present...... i got a sony MP3 player..... it was so nice of him.. he knew that i needed one as the music at my gym is not very nice when i am working out... i always complaint to him about that.. he bought the mp3 player for me so that i will have great music to work out... he even help me to load some great music for workout... i love him soo muchhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.. recently when he was in Manila for work, he bought me this exquisite traditional Philipino shirt.. which i know cost him a lot..... he bought for other friends as well.. but for me, it will be extra special * of course i demanded that.. no less...haha*.. which nobody else got.. and some friends do get envious from this.. haha.. well..

Last weekend, both of us went to this birthday party of my friend.. some of them thought that he's my boyfriend... when they ask, he just kept quiet... i also learnt not to brush that question off with snide remarks.. there was one time when our friend ask the same question and my reply was .."EEWWWWWW.....he is not my boyfriend.. he's not my taste"... my best friend was really offended.. and he told me that he was upset that i replied that way.. its not nice of me... and he feels hurt eventhough he has the same "EEEWWWWWW" feelings towards me i'm sure... hahahaa...... so from then on, if people ask, i just kept quiet and wink at him and called him "honey.. would you like to answer that??"... hahahha.... both of us know that we love each other but as friends only.. not more than that..... why do when two men (gay) are good friends, people always assume that we are boyfriends??.... its not fair.... we love each other.. but we dun sleep with each other.. well.. not literally.. we do sleep with each other when im at his place or other friends place.. *pyjama party.. NOT*.. haha.. but no sexual thing... ewwwwwwwww.... not with him...!!! hahahahaha

On weekends, usually, i will hang out at my friends place.. there will be several of us.. sometimes 3 to 6 person.. we'll hang out.. cook dinner.. watch dvd's.. or sumtimes hangs out at this superb coffee place near my friends palce.... we talked.. and talked.. update each other of the happenings for the weeks.. and yes.. the latest gossips... hahahha.... well mostly about work.. i guess.. its a good place to vent out all of whatever in our mind to friends.... its good that we can tell almost anything and everything that happens to us during the course of the week without any judgements or trying to find solutions... they are the friends where i can cry or laugh with.. i love them lots...... of course they *including myself* can be annoying with each other at times...haha... Most of them are gay... there's also a gay couple of 5 years (its their home which we hang out at).. and one of them is transverstite.. with a really good job in the city.. i might say that im very proud of her for making it in the corporate world despite being transverstite.... and she is the funniest among all... hahahha.... bankers... secretaries and me in oil and gas.... we love eating and sometimes, we went cruising at some gay hotspots.. haha.. of course with a bunch of us course we are too afraid to go alone.. in case something untowards happen.... *knock on woods*.. :).. the era of clubbing had passed for most of us.. wer mostly our 30's now and jaded with that kind of life.. too much booze.. drugs.. sex.. sigh.. well.. everything's in the past now.. haha

When you tell me that sometimes its great to have friend that we can talk about nothing to.... can just pour our hearts out or can just play cards quietly, it makes me feel very fortunate that i have those friends... i didnt realised that before this... and u made me realised that.... i have to be more appreciative towards them.. its hard to find good friends.. let alone great friends nowadays.. sometimes we don't know whom we can trust or who will be behind our back to catch us when we fall.... for me, i know that i can rely on them for anything.. they are my ears to listen...my eyes to see.. my hands to hold and my legs to walk..... i heart them soo much..........

And dear... you know that im always here if you need to talk.. i mean, you can write to me anything in the world and i will find it fascinating im sure. I wish that we are closer but we are not.... but distance is just numbers.. what important is whats in our heart.. and in my heart, you are always there.....

Take care of urself and have a great holiday......

Love you lots,

Your Deen