Of me, myself and i

It has been a whirlwind time for me... i was busy with work.. organising my company's events from august up to October. and now, the time has come for me to lay back and relax a bit... its November and accounts is closing soon.. and also the time for evaluation of our 1 year work... i dread it.. not that i haven't done good job but i know i can do better. but work is work and i don't want to dwell too much into it.... :)

i know that being busy is just an excuse. it my own fault that i don't prioritize my life.. my life is somehow an organised chaos.. you should've look at my workstation in the office or my bedroom at home... my room is a dark cave to me.. i have dark red curtain hanging which barely let lights into the room.. i love to sleep in total darkness.. i abhors light..... i love the cosiness of my bed with lots of pillows strewn about.... warm inviting comforters and blankets....... high thread count bed spreads and pillows......... and read my books.... i love my darling books to be near me........ most of the books i got it from secondhand store or flea market.... i love the smell of old books..... it exudes an aroma of old nostalgia of hunting down old books with my late father. i love history of old books especially pre-owned with notes to the love ones written on its pages. the dogged eared and stained pages delights me every time... I'm addicted to collecting books and reading it of course....... :)

Autumn is nearly over and dreadful winter is coming...not to say that i have experienced winter before.. i never even touch snow in my 31 years of existence.. growing up in the tropics makes one fascinated with the things that sometimes dreaded and taken for granted by others in the upper northern hemisphere... vice-versa i guess... its my dream.. to touch snow.. and to lay down on the fresh snow and makes snow angels and snowman..... feeling the light snow caressing my cheek and melting in my hands... perhaps one day my dream will come true.. celebrating yuletide with you.. in not soo distance future i do hope..... :)

Relationship...well.. there's nothing much that can be said... my boy's brother is still here.. ever watching him like a hawks eye..... dictating his every move and conduct... ever since he came out to him telling him that he belongs to the rainbow clan.... and its a hassle.. but good thing is coming.. his bother has finished his study and will be going back to his hometown soon.. good news indeed as i can now spend more time with him.. if he's not too busy with his study and me with my work and other commitments as such.. but I'm still hopelessly romantic at heart... prefer gazing into one's eyes than galloping on one's horse.. :)

Over this one year mark with him, i have learned to accept that our relationship will be as such.... it will feel like a long distance relationship even though we are considerably near each other...... he has his life of study and brother and friends and i have mine....... we do love each other but we learned not to be in each others way..... we have our own lives and we live our own journey.... for now at least......

Its hard.. not for me but to make my friend understand of my arrangement... they often asked me on my other half where about and i just shrugged off their question with a simple answer.. not that i didn't want to answer.. but my answer will somehow leads to more questions and in the end, makes me feel bad.... i believe that all relationships are not the same.. each of us has our own special way of dealing with our own relationship right.... i refuse to let others especially my friends to dictate how i live my life....... :) but i do love him.. and he loves me .. i'm not sure on the loyalty aspect as i myself has sometimes ventured out as well.. exploring other meadows and greener pasture when the ancient carnal animalistic urge calls and beckons.. i'm not sure if he does the same but i can ensure that i hope that he does the same too.... as he is still young and has so much things in front of him to experience and go through....... :)

Gym?... for now, its a hiatus.. i have not neglected the notion that i might be able to gain anything from it... in fact i will gain everything that i desire from it i guess.... butttttt... i have dispelled my hearts desire to have a hot supermodel / six pack / bod to die for... "Baywatch" type figure of which i will never achieve.. not in this lifetime i suppose.. haha...

Note to self: to include going to gym regularly in my new year's resolution!!

Cheers