Sexuality Merdeka 2011 - BANNED

I'm extremely upset on the ban. Its just doesn't make sense. It is not a freaking GAY PARADE!! Its an indoor.... mostly closed door event of celebrating and understanding a section of society that have been ridiculed, stigmatised, and oppressed for so long. And the little and i might say ONLY avenue that we have is also being prohibited.

I have been to some of the past year's activities and i found all of the activities line up are very engaging and informative. it made me understand who i am, and where i stand in society. It also teaches me to love and respect and furthermost accept the diversity and tolerate each other.

The program DOES NOT promote hatred and extremism. Unlike all of the political rallies that i have been to.

When you pressed a group of people. any group of people for that matter, and put all sort of discriminating and incriminating accusations to them, how can we say that we are a civilised society.

There's no effort of the authority of try to understand what the issue is all about before putting a banned to it. And that's what frustrates me the most.

All that i can see is that this is another political ploy taking place. Taking advantage of of certain issues, blew it out of proportion, let the media play on this. Suddenly all this Ahmad, Ah Seng and Muthu politicians have something to say about this. Thus gaining political mileage and revive their almost non-existent media coverage.

Hatred breed more hatred in the end. Let us persevere and prove to the general masses that we are a peace loving, colorful and fun society.

In the end i do believe LOVE will prevail!!

Of me, myself and i

It has been a whirlwind time for me... i was busy with work.. organising my company's events from august up to October. and now, the time has come for me to lay back and relax a bit... its November and accounts is closing soon.. and also the time for evaluation of our 1 year work... i dread it.. not that i haven't done good job but i know i can do better. but work is work and i don't want to dwell too much into it.... :)

i know that being busy is just an excuse. it my own fault that i don't prioritize my life.. my life is somehow an organised chaos.. you should've look at my workstation in the office or my bedroom at home... my room is a dark cave to me.. i have dark red curtain hanging which barely let lights into the room.. i love to sleep in total darkness.. i abhors light..... i love the cosiness of my bed with lots of pillows strewn about.... warm inviting comforters and blankets....... high thread count bed spreads and pillows......... and read my books.... i love my darling books to be near me........ most of the books i got it from secondhand store or flea market.... i love the smell of old books..... it exudes an aroma of old nostalgia of hunting down old books with my late father. i love history of old books especially pre-owned with notes to the love ones written on its pages. the dogged eared and stained pages delights me every time... I'm addicted to collecting books and reading it of course....... :)

Autumn is nearly over and dreadful winter is coming...not to say that i have experienced winter before.. i never even touch snow in my 31 years of existence.. growing up in the tropics makes one fascinated with the things that sometimes dreaded and taken for granted by others in the upper northern hemisphere... vice-versa i guess... its my dream.. to touch snow.. and to lay down on the fresh snow and makes snow angels and snowman..... feeling the light snow caressing my cheek and melting in my hands... perhaps one day my dream will come true.. celebrating yuletide with you.. in not soo distance future i do hope..... :)

Relationship...well.. there's nothing much that can be said... my boy's brother is still here.. ever watching him like a hawks eye..... dictating his every move and conduct... ever since he came out to him telling him that he belongs to the rainbow clan.... and its a hassle.. but good thing is coming.. his bother has finished his study and will be going back to his hometown soon.. good news indeed as i can now spend more time with him.. if he's not too busy with his study and me with my work and other commitments as such.. but I'm still hopelessly romantic at heart... prefer gazing into one's eyes than galloping on one's horse.. :)

Over this one year mark with him, i have learned to accept that our relationship will be as such.... it will feel like a long distance relationship even though we are considerably near each other...... he has his life of study and brother and friends and i have mine....... we do love each other but we learned not to be in each others way..... we have our own lives and we live our own journey.... for now at least......

Its hard.. not for me but to make my friend understand of my arrangement... they often asked me on my other half where about and i just shrugged off their question with a simple answer.. not that i didn't want to answer.. but my answer will somehow leads to more questions and in the end, makes me feel bad.... i believe that all relationships are not the same.. each of us has our own special way of dealing with our own relationship right.... i refuse to let others especially my friends to dictate how i live my life....... :) but i do love him.. and he loves me .. i'm not sure on the loyalty aspect as i myself has sometimes ventured out as well.. exploring other meadows and greener pasture when the ancient carnal animalistic urge calls and beckons.. i'm not sure if he does the same but i can ensure that i hope that he does the same too.... as he is still young and has so much things in front of him to experience and go through....... :)

Gym?... for now, its a hiatus.. i have not neglected the notion that i might be able to gain anything from it... in fact i will gain everything that i desire from it i guess.... butttttt... i have dispelled my hearts desire to have a hot supermodel / six pack / bod to die for... "Baywatch" type figure of which i will never achieve.. not in this lifetime i suppose.. haha...

Note to self: to include going to gym regularly in my new year's resolution!!

Cheers

Innocent Soul by Najwa Mahiaddin

Tuh dia....Najwa pose ala Audrey Hepburn "Breakfast at Tiffanys" sangat kannnn

Last week, i was invited by one of my bff to Najwa's album "Innocent Soul" launching at ECOBA, PJ trade Centre.

I was a bit reluctant at first, coz it was on weekday and the place is a bit distance with my home.... nevertheless, after some gentle pesuasion and later that i found that several other of my friends are also going, i decided to go...

and it was all worth it!!...

We arrived quite early and decided to have some drinks outside.., it was my first time to ecoba and i found that the place is rather nice for chill out... food and drinks selection is quite ok....

As the event about to start, we quickly dashed into the bar... and it was quite packed, outside, there are counters that sold her album and t-shirt, and i didnt realised that.. what a bummer as i went to buy her album, it was out of stock... cheh... rugi sangat... but its ok, can always get her album using other connections i presume *wink..wink*.. haha

They did preview of her awesome music video of "Got to go".. i really love the video... its so chic in black and white.... sapa kata org malaysia tak pandai buat music video hoh??... tak payah guna epal gantung2 and asap2 bagai.. tetap vouge and classy naaa... haha.. whopppssttt tak terniat nak laser mana2 artis malaysia hokeh!!.....

And when she came out, the crowd went crazy of course... she wore this pastel coloured skirt with tulle lining, a matching sort of simple blouse and wait for it........ killer LOUBOUTIN peep toe heels in nude colour!! i nearly fainted hokeh.. sangat fabulous... altho the skirt agak kembang which made her looked a bit on the bigger side than she already is, but all is forgiven for the heels.. hahaha.. I'm such a sucker when it comes to ladies shoes... hahahha.. but then again that is Najwa... she wear what she wants and it will look good.. i wish some of my gorgeus plus size friends have a teeny bit of her confidence in dressing up... haha .. moi included!!

anyway, this is so totally not her album review or anything like that, but i will elaborate some of her songs on her album nevertheless.....

The concept is neo-soul.... at first, to an ignorant person such as moi, the album sounds very much R&B.. with a bit of soul.. of which of course the genre that im in love with....

Upon hearing of the songs, it reminded me of Beyonce first single album..... dangerously in love... ala2 the same kind of music genre... rupa-rupanya, my friend enlightened me that neo soul ni adalah ala2 R&B gak and soul and jazz.. funk.. and mixture of all.... of which mmg i love these type of music....

all of the songs are in english, of which cubaan yang sangat berani for Malaysian artiste to make a fully english album... and the first of that sort of genre as well.... wow... memang sangat best okeh!!.. album sales blakang kira okeh.... hahahha

some of the songs that i lurveeeeeeeee keterlaluan adalah :

~"Got to go".. rather upbeat.. rasa macam nak menari sama2 dan goyang2 tangan macam dalam the music video.... go.. goo..gooooo

~"Monday Blues" that will definitely cured your Monday blues babeh!!...

~"Sweet October" sangat romantic ala retro sounds.... her voice is divine!!

~"Jealousy".. sangat sesuwai untuk ketika jiwang2 bergaduh ngan laki/bf... haha

~"Ain't that a shame".... jet'aime Paris sangat.... best dengar masa hujan kat luar sambil2 sipping cafe latte/ kopi kampung kat beranda rumah.... :P

~"Innocent soul"... OMG, this song is truly marvellous okeh... ala gospel.. ok idakler gospel agama tu.. but the choir tuh.. sangat naik vulu roma okeh!!... akin to listening aretha githooo...

Ok now here comes my comment2 tak bermaknanya ok.. sekadar nak comment jer majelis ittew.... this is just based on my observation and pengalaman jer ok.. bukannya nak kutuk or whatever....

I know lah its album launching, so mostly people there, apart from the fans obviously, as she is anak sumbody2 kat Malaysia and im sure her friends and families and mostly socialites and the who's who of upper kl society.. or as i put it .. The "Malaysian Tatler" kind of people, of course lah they all were there kan... mostly to see and be seen, all these type of people, slalunya akan cakap kuat2 so that people notice that they're there kannn.....

so the atmosphere of the place is kinda noisy with people chattering... So in an effort to calm the crowd, Najwa pun meng-shushhh kan lah the crowd... and asked then to zip it.... oklah.. not in a rude manner pun... i understand that as an artist, and when ur about to sing especially pulak tu lagu tak kuat, guna piano,.. buatnyer pulak sound system macam problem jer... ado non ado... mmg perlukan suasana yang senyap so that people can actually listen to what ur singing..... but come on lah lah... what do we expect?.. mmg ler org diam jap jer.. then continue talking.. of which mmg i found it annoying sangat.... tak macam kat No Black Tie kannnnn

After a while, seeing that the crowd macam tak gheti bahasa, she went on telling the stories when his father was being shusshed at No black tie for talking to loud with his friends... of which was being told in a light hearted manner and jokingly of course.....

She also said that when an artiste is on the stage, the artiste have the power to command the crowd as they pleased.... which is true but i do think that she is still lacking in that department.. i mean the power to "WOW" the crowd and mesmerize them..... perhaps maybe she is still young...and needs more experience kalau nak jadi macam Dato' Sheila ker.. Ning ker.. Dayang ker.... yang boleh "wow" the crowd by simply opening their mouth to sing!.. :P

Quoting from one of my "friend" "nasib baik dia tu anak sumbody2.. mesti dia buat album guna guit sendiri.... and aku rasa pada dia album sales doesn't matter much yang penting kepuasan kann... kalau artis dari felda mana tah, confirm kene baling kasut la-la tu gak atas stage".. manolo blahnik kah??...haha.. amboi.. tak sayang molot sungguh "kawan" i sorang tu... haha

quote from another "friend".... "ala, korang ni.... berani ker all the journo there to kutuk her pasal tu kat dalam paper.. nak mampus??.. cuba kalau artist AF buat camtu, confirm kene kutuk berangan DIVA!!." aiyohhhhh.... mak pengsanst 3 saat nokkkkkk.......

hahhahahha.... Mak??.. NO COMMENT jer lah kannnn.............

so Najwa, you should've just chilled jer masa tu... apa pedulik org kat situ nak dengar ker idak kann..... they did not come and pay to hear you sing, thats why lah they don't care about other people who really wanted to hear you sing your songs kat situ kan...... so just chill and "WOW" the crowd with ur talented and amazing voice sudehhhhh....... eh kata tadi tanak comment, tetap gak nak comment kannn... hahahahhaa......

anyway Najwa, i do love your song.. ur such an amazing and talented singer... I AM A FAN now!!

so people, go out and buy her album... i can assure you that its well worth every cent that you'll be spending!!.....

Au revoir....

Book Fever

Photo credit to jasonlove.com

I love to read... and I would like to read more....

But them book sold in Malaysia is effing expensive....

The more interesting the titles by renowned author, the more expensive the book is....

Between RM 50 - RM150 for paperbacks!! and it cost lots more for hard covers

When i was travelling, i almost always go to bookstores.... at the airports, malls and such.. looking for interesting titles to read during my flight or lounging by the beach.....

and most of the new books i found are relatively inexpensive... just don't convert it in our currency.... if the value is one to one.. it is considerably inexpensive to buy the books overseas....

Why does books especially of international titles are soo expensive in Malaysia??.... and Sometimes, i found that books by Malaysian authors are also as expensive as foreign ones.... albeit not as much titles and quality...

It baffles me .... less of a mystery somewhat...

And the government is trying to increase our level of knowledge by promoting reading.. but the materials are damn expensive.... no wonder the programme never works and Malaysian are still reading an average of two books per year.. at their best!!

Totally defeats the purpose.... ?? sigh....

Hence, in order to satisfy my hunger pangs for reading materials, im always on the lookout for secondhand bookstores and bookfairs...

I remember when i was young, my parents always took us to Penang Street at Georgetown during weekends... We took the "becha" from the ferry jetty...

Among the nooks and crannies of pre-war shophouses, there's treasures of old second hand, books to be found at fraction of the price..... Great titles of all genres interweave with 50's comics and ancient magazines..... No system.. just dig in and you'll find treasure trove of books..... sadly, most of the bookstores have long gone with the wind.......

My late father was a book addict.... he'll be at his chair reading his favourite wartime books all day.... When i was young, in order to make us stop harrasing him with our tantrums, he will give us comics strip from the newspaper for us to read.... Our family weekend mornings will be spent reading... My mom is more into home decorating, cook books and occasional Danielle Steel's... :)

I blame both my parents on this book fever bout that have infected me...hehehe

Hence, I can only wish for :

1. The government will lower the tax on imported books making it more cheaper for us to buy good foreign titles.


2. Local writer will produce more quality writings at par with foreign ones, any language that is... I beleive we have not had any Nobel Priced winner of any sort yet aite ??
   
3. Have more bookfairs per year and establish good secondhand bookstores.


4. Promote the culture of book readings and book clubs..
   

I hope that this wishes will come true during my lifetime.....

~Amin~

P.S~ am currently reading "The Tipping Point" by Malcolm Gladwell... halfway thru.. :P

Happy reading people!!

I am a "Samantha"

Like Samantha, i enjoy my freedom...

Like Samantha, i'm a visual addict....

Like Samantha, i'm opinionated....

Like Samantha, i'm carefree.....

Like Samantha, i'm outspoken and speaks my mind... sometimes to much dreaded consequences..

Like Samantha, I enjoy life to the fullest.. too much perhaps..

Like Samantha, i'm loyal to my friends....

Like Samantha, My friends are my life...

Like Samantha, I have found my "Jarred"....

Like Samantha, I love my "Jarred"....

Like Samantha, I am a couger...

Like Samantha, Im also a kitten.....

Like Samantha, I have intimacy issues

Like Samantha, I do want to work it out

Like Samantha, i have problems in my relationship....

Like Samantha, I can't keep it open....

Like Samantha, I have cravings.... ;P

Unlike Samantha, I have not give in to it yet.... *wink*

"Fuck me badly once, shame on you, fuck me badly twice, shame on me"

~ Samantha Jones (Sex & The City)

Remembering the old times....

So many things have happen in the past year....

1) I loss my dad.. Al Fatihah To ayahanda .. moga rohnya dicucuri rahmat dan ditempatkan bersama orang-orang yang beriman.. AMIN... Its painful for myself and my family but somehow, we cope with the support of family and friends..... love them to bits...

2) Still working at the same place.. but with different function now... I'm doing corporate comm.. the things which i love to do.. organising events and stuff.. got to do a bit of travelling....... hopefully...

3) i have a new love of my life.... i love him to bits.. he's not that far away but it feels like a thousand miles... for now, situation are a bit sticky for us... lots of factors to consider but nevertheless, our love persist..... i guess that is what we called true love no.. :)

4) Eat, Pray and Love in BALI a couple of month ago..... one word : DIVINE!!! Love the temples.. love the beach.. and love the party... got to know some local guy there.. he's a nice person.. can i say its just a "holiday fling".... he wanted much more but he knows my heart is "taken"....

5) Move house from KL city to suburbs... about an hour from office.. dreaded it at first, as it is quite far with not soo good roads.... but now that i've settled at the new place, i love it.. still dread the trafiic but its manageable.... Hope to find my own place someday.. IN THE CITY PLEASE!!!.. Im a city boy anyway.. love the lights.. sounds and sight of KL... :)

6) I'm pretty much happy with my life now.. of course could lose a whole lots of kg's and live more healthily.... but that will come eventually i guess.. too tired to try for now.. haha

7) I wish i'm "hotter".. well.. one could only wish aite.... hahah.. not that im having much problem in that department, there's always demand.. hey at least look at the bright side.. im a "niche" market.. as my good friend once told me... hehehe... but sometimes i do wish to get into the "mainstream".. its boring being "special"... hahaha.. god..im funny aren't i...haha

So thats its more or less of my updates.. i will try to update more next time.. when the time permits....

Ciao bella!!

Letter to Anders in Stockholm

Hi Anders...

I wish its winter here in Malaysia.. haha.. well maybe not.. spring weather would be nicer... . Currently, its hot and humid. It rains almost everyday.. but for short period of time.. not all day.. usually late afternoon.... so the nights are hot and humid. when its humid, we get sweaty more easily here.... but im used to it... been here all my life now.. just have to apply extra deoderant... haha

Its great to know that ur enjoying your summer holiday.... Madrid will be great im sure... Yes.. i have heard of Cordoba before.... nice city with palaces. I remembered the story of Queen Isabella during the holy war between Moslems and Christians hundreds of years ago.... :) beautiful city im sure... and Turkey.. i love the city.. never been there, but my best friend Edan used to study there... he told me lots of stories when he was there.... he still remember fondly of Turkey especially Instanbul..... he said that he loves the culture there.. and the food.... and the city is really beautiful.. he always persuade me to go there with him as he can speak a bit of Turkish and also he knows his way around there.. well.. maybe in near future.. who knows.. have to keep money to go there as its not as cheap as asian cities....

As for me, my life is somewhat sombre now.. well.. not too boring but nuthing much is happening now anyway..... yes, i've broke off with my 5 months boyfriend and finally im free and im happy.. he still calls me and sms me every now and then.. saying that im not friendly anymore.. sumtimes, we went on for a week without any sms.. and being cordial, i sms him coz just wanna say hi.. then he replied that i don't remember him anymore and im not friendly.. well.. im friendly enough to contact him aite!!.. i believe that i cant give what he wants and he still wants it... somehow he refused to admit that we are different now... he once told me that im not the same person anymore.. i told him that yes.. im not the same person.. this thing that happen, changed me.. i cant be the same person as he knew me then... maybe i've been somebody that im not with him.. he doesnt bring out the best in me.. unlike my friends.. im always happy being with them.... im different now.. and the fact that im turning 30 this end of June really bugs me.. haha.... enough said about him.. moving on....................

I'm currently dating guys.. not to many i suppose.. just enough... lots of young guys wanted to know me but i dun really go with younger guys.... no sex involved.. i cant recall when was the last time i had sex.. haha.. its been ages.. i think im re-virginised... hahahahha..... lucky who got me next time..teeheeee..... but my focus isnt that now... im busy with work.. and family...

Well... attended some family and friends weddings lately.. its school holiday here and people love to do wedding aorund this time... middle of year.. and end of year.. :) somehow i love going to weddings.. i love looking at a person in their happiest moments.. can really tell if that person is happy... and i love seeing and being a part of that..... despite having to dodge all the questions of "when is my wedding??" ...especially from nosy friends and relatives.. if the invites says that i can bring a partner, i always brought my best freind (a guy) with me... and all eyes will be looking at us wondering why this guy came with another guy.. love making them guessing... hahahaha

Recently, my best friend.. .... he bought me an early birthday present...... i got a sony MP3 player..... it was so nice of him.. he knew that i needed one as the music at my gym is not very nice when i am working out... i always complaint to him about that.. he bought the mp3 player for me so that i will have great music to work out... he even help me to load some great music for workout... i love him soo muchhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.. recently when he was in Manila for work, he bought me this exquisite traditional Philipino shirt.. which i know cost him a lot..... he bought for other friends as well.. but for me, it will be extra special * of course i demanded that.. no less...haha*.. which nobody else got.. and some friends do get envious from this.. haha.. well..

Last weekend, both of us went to this birthday party of my friend.. some of them thought that he's my boyfriend... when they ask, he just kept quiet... i also learnt not to brush that question off with snide remarks.. there was one time when our friend ask the same question and my reply was .."EEWWWWWW.....he is not my boyfriend.. he's not my taste"... my best friend was really offended.. and he told me that he was upset that i replied that way.. its not nice of me... and he feels hurt eventhough he has the same "EEEWWWWWW" feelings towards me i'm sure... hahahaa...... so from then on, if people ask, i just kept quiet and wink at him and called him "honey.. would you like to answer that??"... hahahha.... both of us know that we love each other but as friends only.. not more than that..... why do when two men (gay) are good friends, people always assume that we are boyfriends??.... its not fair.... we love each other.. but we dun sleep with each other.. well.. not literally.. we do sleep with each other when im at his place or other friends place.. *pyjama party.. NOT*.. haha.. but no sexual thing... ewwwwwwwww.... not with him...!!! hahahahaha

On weekends, usually, i will hang out at my friends place.. there will be several of us.. sometimes 3 to 6 person.. we'll hang out.. cook dinner.. watch dvd's.. or sumtimes hangs out at this superb coffee place near my friends palce.... we talked.. and talked.. update each other of the happenings for the weeks.. and yes.. the latest gossips... hahahha.... well mostly about work.. i guess.. its a good place to vent out all of whatever in our mind to friends.... its good that we can tell almost anything and everything that happens to us during the course of the week without any judgements or trying to find solutions... they are the friends where i can cry or laugh with.. i love them lots...... of course they *including myself* can be annoying with each other at times...haha... Most of them are gay... there's also a gay couple of 5 years (its their home which we hang out at).. and one of them is transverstite.. with a really good job in the city.. i might say that im very proud of her for making it in the corporate world despite being transverstite.... and she is the funniest among all... hahahha.... bankers... secretaries and me in oil and gas.... we love eating and sometimes, we went cruising at some gay hotspots.. haha.. of course with a bunch of us course we are too afraid to go alone.. in case something untowards happen.... *knock on woods*.. :).. the era of clubbing had passed for most of us.. wer mostly our 30's now and jaded with that kind of life.. too much booze.. drugs.. sex.. sigh.. well.. everything's in the past now.. haha

When you tell me that sometimes its great to have friend that we can talk about nothing to.... can just pour our hearts out or can just play cards quietly, it makes me feel very fortunate that i have those friends... i didnt realised that before this... and u made me realised that.... i have to be more appreciative towards them.. its hard to find good friends.. let alone great friends nowadays.. sometimes we don't know whom we can trust or who will be behind our back to catch us when we fall.... for me, i know that i can rely on them for anything.. they are my ears to listen...my eyes to see.. my hands to hold and my legs to walk..... i heart them soo much..........

And dear... you know that im always here if you need to talk.. i mean, you can write to me anything in the world and i will find it fascinating im sure. I wish that we are closer but we are not.... but distance is just numbers.. what important is whats in our heart.. and in my heart, you are always there.....

Take care of urself and have a great holiday......

Love you lots,

Your Deen